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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Foreign Language & Culture / Viewing Topic

proof read this for me (french class)
Replies: 4Last Post Sep. 1 6:53pm by Shaknbake
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( Permious )

Executive
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Je m'appelle Starla et je suis une femme de nuit.

Quand j'avais treize ans, mes parents se sont morts. J'étais un SDF. J'ai fait la connaissance de rabbatteur qui s'appelle Pierre. Il me suis donné une maison et l'argent, mais il y avait un prix.

Je devais coucher avec beaucoup de hommes et maintenant, j'ai le sida. Mais, je ne suis pas triste. J'aime les rapports sexuel, surtout les rapports anaux et ma vie est une aventure grande. Je mourrai bientôt mais premièrement, je veux marier.

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jesus christ was a cunt and a rapist


8:44 pm on Aug. 28, 2008 | Joined July 2008 | 80 Days Active
Join to learn more about Permious Montana, United States | Straight Female | 4039 Posts | 3948 Points
Katelin


Executive
Reply
Is that a true story?

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Purple helmet warrior

8:49 pm on Aug. 28, 2008 | Joined Aug. 2008 | 93 Days Active
Join to learn more about Katelin Illinois, United States | Straight Female | 1373 Posts | 3123 Points
Shaknbake


Enlightened One
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A lot of that is terrible, but I really can't be bothered to correct something you only posted for the chance to type "rapports anaux" one more time.

Changed my mind. See below.

Post edited at 6:53 pm on Sep. 1, 2008 by Shaknbake

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ню вит хуйс


11:54 pm on Aug. 29, 2008 | Joined Mar. 2006 | 502 Days Active
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Loza


Dairy Product Addict
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oh. few mistakes.

6:07 pm on Sep. 1, 2008 | Joined Aug. 2006 | 214 Days Active
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Shaknbake


Enlightened One
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I don't believe the term "Femme de nuit" exists in French. You could use "femme de demimonde," ou "demimondaine." A list of alternatives may be found . You also don't need an indefinite article when talking about an occupation. "J'suis prostituée" et non "J'suis une prostituée."

Mourir isn't reflexive. If you want "killed themselves," use se tuer or s'assassiner instead. You do need an indefinite article before rabbatteur. "Il m'a offert une maison et de l'argent, mais il y avait un prix;" would be better.

"Me coucher," et non "coucher." "beacoup d'hommes" et non "beacoup des hommes." "SIDA" et non "sida." Use "d'abord" instead of "premièrement," and I believe marier IS. reflexive.

Post edited at 6:54 pm on Sep. 1, 2008 by Shaknbake

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ню вит хуйс


6:53 pm on Sep. 1, 2008 | Joined Mar. 2006 | 502 Days Active
Join to learn more about Shaknbake Washington, United States | Male | 7889 Posts | 15538 Points
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